Sitting and Waiting

You know the feeling, I’m sure.  You’re sitting on the toilet in the public “family” washroom while you’re holding your baby and surrounded by the other two kidettes.  As you’re sitting doing what you’re supposed to be doing alone, you watch your curious 3 year old son succumb to the pressure that the big “open door” button screams.  To him, it had might as well say “PUSH ME!”  The door, propelled by that really slow mechanism, creaks its way open.  You can’t hurry up those doors.  You have no choice but to sit with your pants around your ankles as you bounce your baby up and down, and confidently wave to the surprised passerbys.  Then, when the door finally reaches its final destination, you are able to direct your 5 year old to kindly push it closed.  It cooperatively begins its journey toward closure.  Slowly.   

Sigh.

Sometimes, there’s not much to be done but sit and wait.  But oh how this is hard.  My natural tendency is to hurry up the phase.  Oh this is the terrible 3s.  Come on 4s!  Oh could this child simply sleep better?!  When will she be old enough to sleep for longer than a couple hours at a time?  Ugh could work get any more stressful?  Hurry up winter - we need a break!?  Child learn to do this by yourself.  Self, get in better shape.  

Bigger sigh.  

It is so hard to just settle in to the moment.  So easy to constantly seek change.  Look for a different house.  Long for a change in yourself.  Crave away your child’s now.  

So here we are today.  I have a wonderful 5 year old who thinks of others and excites herself at making them happy.  She cooperatively learns and happily helps.  She kisses the baby’s feet in the car and uses her own money to buy something for her brother.  And I have a 3 year old who just wants to play.  He has a little interest in letters and numbers but mostly just wants to fly around his planes and drive around his cars.  He reminds me often that he is the “kind of boy who doesn’t like to be laughed at.”  And my sweet baby girl - we named her angel not knowing that would actually make her one.  Her sweetness overflows and overwhelms me.  She are so at peace with the world.  

Today, right now, I’m gonna sit and wait.  Not wish for it to fly by.  Just embrace that the door might be open and, at times, it might feel a little (or lot) uncomfortable, frustrating, tiring, and overwhelming.  

But it’s all good.  I’ll just wait for the next phase, all the while sitting down and resting in this one.