Guilt

Mothering is a big guilt trip.  I distinctly remember my own mother telling me that when my first baby was a baby and I called her yet again to confess my less than ideal parenting skills.  I have repeated those words numerous times over the last four years.  It’s not to be down on myself or parenting or having children.  It’s more to let myself off the hook, really.  To remember that, no matter how many parenting books I read and seminars I attend, there will still be ample opportunity to be acutely aware of my inadequacies as a mother.  

So lately, I have added another thing to the list of reasons to feel guilty in motherhood.  In the hustle and bustle of wiping soft little bottoms, cleaning dirty dishes, tripping over Lightneen McQueens, and reading Magic Schoolbus, I find it hard to contribute beyond the walls of my home like I see so many others doing.  I mean, I understand - my family is my first mission, blah blah blah.  But what about the world out there with needs too many to number or even know?  Isn’t it my responsibility?

Well, I don’t have the answer to how to lovingly and responsibly and compassionately raise my own family “in here” to be the same while still doing my part in changing in the world “out there.”  

But this helped.

“Sister, you don't have to be an "activist" to be an activist. Showing kindness to family, neighbors, strangers and self throughout your day is activism enough. If more people practiced that sort of "everyday activism" we'd need a heck of a lot less "official activism." Go about your day being Kind and Brave, friend. That's PLENTY HARD ENOUGH and that's the type of activism the world always needs PLENTY more of.” (Glennon Melton from momastery.com)

So maybe that is where my place is in this season of my life.  Maybe it is to use the name of the grocery lady (just look at the name tag) and compliment her on her hair.  And showing understanding at the library to the poor mom and her troop of kids that just won’t follow the “library quietness” rule.  And letting that car in that just can’t seem to find an opening to get out.  Maybe it is simply acknowledging the person in the wheelchair with a warm smile before the person pushing it.  And giving some hot chocolate to the road workers outside our house.  

Maybe it’s just going about my day, my everyday normal routine, with a little more love coming out.  There are mouth to feed, kids to adopt, and wells to be dug.  And these are necessary things.  

But there are also hearts to be loved all around me every day.  

Yes, mothering is a big trip of guilt.  Never clean enough.  Never patient enough.  Never fun enough.  Never educational enough.  And certain never giving enough to the world.  Just plain never enough.

Maybe I should stop trying.  

So lets’ grab our kidlings and spread some love.