Enjoying some of it

“Let’s do it together, Mom.”  In other words, please let me stir the flour and milk and sugar and eggs, take a little every few seconds, spill it over the top of the bowl, smear it on my just washed shirt, and crack the egg and shells in the bowl.  Please Mom.  Let’s do it together.  

Some moments are easier than others.  Ahhh...like my prenatal appointment on Tuesday.  As the doctor swabbed for something in my personal area, my kids sat patiently snuggling, Malana gently stroking Kainoa’s cheek and whispered that she loved him.  My caretaker.  And when I was skeptical of Kainoa being able to scooter all the way back from the park and feared I would be carrying my soon-to-be-born child, a scooter, and a 2 year old, while trying to coax a 4 year old to KEEP PEDALING!   But instead, when I asked him if he could make it all the way home, he confidently stated, “I try, Mom,  I try.”  

Some moments are easy to savour, enjoy, be thankful for, and smile through.  

Malana calling me her “precious darling.”  Kainoa gently stroking my hair and saying with all the love in his little heart, “You hair messy, Mom.”  The little arms that firmly surround my neck and the little lips that find their way to my own.  

Doesn’t get much better.

But then there are the times that bring us back down and tend to throw things a little out style.  Like when I feel the natural need to call 9-1-1 to report the threatening physical assault I think I’m about to witness between my babies.  And when the whining just won’t stop.  And when sleep just doesn’t happen and for some reason I thought that bringing another child into it all would be ok.  And when I realize that I haven’t taken a shower in, probably, over a week.  I’m supposed to be teaching my kids patience but instead I am modelling just-freak-out-when-you’re-frustrated behaviour.  When the little things seem so huge, regardless of how many times I remind myself of how good I have it.  

And then, just when we feel that we might just crack at some innocent little precious wonder, we run into someone who has “been there, done that” and whose kids now sleep through the night, are away at college, and make their own beds.  “Oh darling, enjoy every moment - it goes by so fast.”  

Really?  Cause it feels like years since this week started and must be dozens of loads of laundry since yesterday.  And enjoy every moment?  Right.  It’s so much fun to change the sheets every day, maybe 2, from the urine that just won’t stay in the diaper!  So enjoyable.  And being awakened countless times for countless reasons?  All I want is a straight 3 hours.  But ok, I’ll do my best.  Stress myself out.  I WILL conquer and enjoy it all.

Sigh.

Or not.  Maybe I’ll just let it go.  Look for a few moments to savour.  Give myself a break.  Enjoy the easy, cute, and loving times.  And let myself off the hook of trying to enjoy the rest.  

Parenting is a big guilt trip, I was once told before having children.  

I think I will take my 4 year’s old’s advise, as given to me when she was on her way out the door with her dad.

“You just rest Mom.  Don’t do any work.”  

Let’s take it easy on ourselves.  Let’s relax, give ourselves a break, and look for those moments to enjoy.  They are there.