Looking Back

I always felt so much older than you when you were a kid.  More than a sister - kind of a mini-mama.  I wanted you to look up to me.  I practiced your name over and over before meeting you- did the Mark come first or the Robert?  And I remember, when you were a baby, I had a bit of an obsession with your cheeks. Oh so soft and just begging to be touched and pinched by my older, mature 6 yr old fingers.  You caught our hearts right away.  Somehow, you came at the right time for a lot of people.  You filled a gap, maybe even a hole, in several hearts.  We all mothered you, coddled you, spoiled you.  Yes, although you had one Main-Mom, there were several of us who claimed you.  

And as I watched you get older, you showed us just who you were.

Oh, how you loved your older sister.  I remember climbing off the school bus and starting the long trek down our driveway toward your 3 year old big blue eyes as you excitedly ran toward us.  You ran right past me into the loving arms of your oldest sis.  Maybe my heart broke a bit.  But I’ll manage.  I don’t blame you for choosing her.  She’s pretty awesome.

You loved to dress as a pirate, with a black construction paper eye patch kept in place by a rubber band circling your head, and a dish towel as a bandana.  You were so so cool.  

And I clearly remember how tender you were as a little chap.  I have the scene of you taking your little arms and wrapping them around your Nana’s neck as you came up behind her when you noticed her a little sad.  Perceptive of the feelings of others from the start. 

Oh so careful with your words.  When tasting but not eating your grandma’s barley soup, you patiently waited without complaining.  When asked the trouble, you simply replied that it was “a little bit good.”  Instead of a lot bit bad.  

You even told your great grandma that you couldn’t live without her.  I think you made her life.

You attracted people.  You had more friends than both your sisters combined.  And not just the cool kids, or the smart kids, or the rebellious kids or the shy kids.  You had them all.  No one was too popular or too odd for you - you embraced whoever needed to be.  Even the quirky kid half your height from your class who called you collect from his family vacation in the Caribbean cause he wanted to chat with you.  

Mark, as you got older and started high school, instead of being known as my brother, I became known as your sister.  Note the important difference.  You stand out.  And no, not just because you are tall.  

But because you are kind, respectful.*

I have never heard a negative word spoken about anyone coming out of your mouth.  Nor a negative word spoken about you.

And now, you’ve found someone equally as amazing as you are.  I didn’t know that was possible.  And I couldn’t be happier for you.  Did you tell her about all of us mini-mamas who claim you?  We will try to back off.

I pinch your cheeks less.  You wear your pirate costume only occasionally.  

But you’re still my little brother.  

I love you, kid.  Somehow, I don’t feel so much older than you anymore.  Instead, I hope to be more like you when I grow up.

*In case you’re wondering, he’s also super smart and landed a great job and got an early promotion.  But that’s not as important.