Changing attitudes
Honour. It's different than respect, as I understand it. I'm ready a book called, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in you and your kids." There you have it - I admit that there are a few negatives vibes that flit and float around this house, oh, every so often. So I thought maybe I could use some guidance.
HOW DO YOU GET A TWO (NOW THREE) YEAR OLD TO STOP WHINING????
Perhaps I've been focusing on the actual behaviour and act of whining rather than the heart behind it. Yes, a three year old definitely has a heart. I see the beauty of it as she thinks of her little brother's need for a toy in the car, and as she saves a spot for her Daddy at the table.
But my goal has been to stop the whining. If goal is accomplished, I feel successful in my disciplinary strategy. If I don't squack and eeek and pull my hair out and make grimacing faces to attempt to remain under control, I feel even better. Keep your cool, Terri Lynn.
I think I've been missing an important, key, essential piece. The longterm goal, the longterm parenting.
I want my kids to feel on the inside what they are doing on the outside. I don't want my goal to be making them obedient children. I want my aim to be to help them have positive behaviour because their heart tells them that it's good and right to honour others. I want her to stop whining because, at some level, she understands that it is dishonouring to those around her. Because she has worth and value attached to others because of their individuality and status as children of God.
How in the world do I do that?
This dandy book suggests a 4 step discipline process.
1. Identify the wrong behaviour.
2. Identify the dishonouring heart issue. (ex. anger problem, doesn't like to be told what to do...)
3. Identify the honouring heart issue (ex. perhaps she could learn flexibility, giving her time to help out)
4. The right behaviour grows out of the honouring heart issue. (I am assuming this is a long term goal, after many many many teaching moments.)
ACTION PLAN:
So here it is, in summary. Here is my plan of action. Whining / complaining / dishonouring bad attitudes will be responded to with patience, looking at what heart issue is causing it (ex. selfishness, lack of looking at another's needs, impatience.) Flip that over and figure out what opposing heart issue would create cooperativeness. Here is the tricky part - help child understand this. Over and over and over. Will the whining stop, because I give some explanation like this? Highly doubt it. But here's to long term parenting, the slow process, the looking-at-the-future attempt to help shape healthy people.
Don't know what I'm doing, but appreciating the advise of Scott Turanksy and Joanne Miller, authors and parents who have been doing this parenting thing a little longer than I have.
HOW DO YOU GET A TWO (NOW THREE) YEAR OLD TO STOP WHINING????
Perhaps I've been focusing on the actual behaviour and act of whining rather than the heart behind it. Yes, a three year old definitely has a heart. I see the beauty of it as she thinks of her little brother's need for a toy in the car, and as she saves a spot for her Daddy at the table.
But my goal has been to stop the whining. If goal is accomplished, I feel successful in my disciplinary strategy. If I don't squack and eeek and pull my hair out and make grimacing faces to attempt to remain under control, I feel even better. Keep your cool, Terri Lynn.
I think I've been missing an important, key, essential piece. The longterm goal, the longterm parenting.
I want my kids to feel on the inside what they are doing on the outside. I don't want my goal to be making them obedient children. I want my aim to be to help them have positive behaviour because their heart tells them that it's good and right to honour others. I want her to stop whining because, at some level, she understands that it is dishonouring to those around her. Because she has worth and value attached to others because of their individuality and status as children of God.
How in the world do I do that?
This dandy book suggests a 4 step discipline process.
1. Identify the wrong behaviour.
2. Identify the dishonouring heart issue. (ex. anger problem, doesn't like to be told what to do...)
3. Identify the honouring heart issue (ex. perhaps she could learn flexibility, giving her time to help out)
4. The right behaviour grows out of the honouring heart issue. (I am assuming this is a long term goal, after many many many teaching moments.)
ACTION PLAN:
So here it is, in summary. Here is my plan of action. Whining / complaining / dishonouring bad attitudes will be responded to with patience, looking at what heart issue is causing it (ex. selfishness, lack of looking at another's needs, impatience.) Flip that over and figure out what opposing heart issue would create cooperativeness. Here is the tricky part - help child understand this. Over and over and over. Will the whining stop, because I give some explanation like this? Highly doubt it. But here's to long term parenting, the slow process, the looking-at-the-future attempt to help shape healthy people.
Don't know what I'm doing, but appreciating the advise of Scott Turanksy and Joanne Miller, authors and parents who have been doing this parenting thing a little longer than I have.
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